The Colors of Life: Blue
by SSAEmilyHotchner
Summary: Second in my "Colors of Life" series. Coping with Haley's death would be hard, but Hotch knew that with the love of a devoted friend like Emily, both he and Jack would be able to survive. Based on 5x10, "The Slave of Duty."


Author's Note: I don't have that much to say, really. Writing stories about the symbolism of colors is actually pretty interesting. And fun. This was inspired by "The Slave of Duty", which is one of my favorite episodes. It's just so emotional... Writing this story made me cry, mainly because there's _a lot _of crying that occurs during the story. I hope you love it. Reviews would be lovely. (:

Disclaimer: Not mine.

* * *

Blue.

It is a color that can represent beauty. A clear summer sky, the naturally majestic ice sculptures of the Arctic, the enchanting ocean and its underwater worlds, or the birth of a precious baby boy.

It can also represent sadness.

Tears.

Mourning.

Depression.

All of which Aaron Hotchner was used to. He was stranger to none of it, for he had experienced it all.

~.~.~

It was the day of Haley's funeral. There was an odd sense of peace that seemed to radiate from Hotch, not unlike the calm before a storm.

He was breaking, and the only thing that was keeping him in one piece was Jack.

And Emily.

She came up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder for comfort, looking at their reflections in the mirror. Hotch didn't say anything, and continued to fix his tie, but his expression softened slightly.

As he finished, he just stood there, staring into the depths of the mirror and watching the two of them.

"I'm so sorry, Aaron," Emily said, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

He turned to look at her finally, taking in the tenderness and love in her expression. All he could do was nod as he willed tears not to spill. But they did anyway, and he couldn't help but hold onto Emily like a lifeline as she pulled him into her arms and held him, sharing her infallible strength. After a few moments, they pulled apart, Emily kissing him lightly on the cheek.

Hotch finally spoke, his voice thick. "Where's Jack?" Right as the words left his mouth, Jack Hotchner walked into the bedroom. "Daddy, can you help me?" the five year old asked, pointing to his tie.

"Sure buddy," he answered, walking over to his son and kneeling to his height.

Jack looked up at Emily and smiled shyly. "Hi Emmy," he said. "I like your dress."

Emily smiled back. "Thanks Super Jack, that's very sweet of you," she answered, calling him by his favorite nickname.

"You're welcome," he replied, as innocent as ever.

Hotch stood, carrying Jack. "Are you ready?" he asked Emily, trying unsuccessfully to give her a smile.

"Yeah," she answered softly, with a nod, afraid that if she spoke too loudly, the fragile equilibrium around her and her loved ones would shatter like glass.

"Then let's go," he said, replacing his broken expression with one of utmost seriousness and stolidity, and walking out of the house with the two people who meant the world to him; his son and best friend.

~.~.~

Emily watched as Hotch delivered Haley's eulogy. Jack was standing by her side, holding onto her hand. She squeezed lightly and gave him a comforting smile, which he returned.

"W.S. Gilbert wrote: 'It's love that makes the world go around.'" Hotch started, his voice wavering. "And if that's true, then the world spun a little faster with Haley in it. Haley was my best friend since we were in high school. We certainly had our struggles, but if there's one thing we agreed on unconditionally, it was our love and commitment to our son Jack. Haley's love for Jack was joyous and fierce. That fierceness is why she isn't here today. A mother's love is an unrivaled force of nature and we can all learn much from the way Haley lived her life. Haley's death causes each of us to stop and take stock of our lives to measure who we are, and what we've become. I don't have all those answers for myself but I know who Haley was. She was the woman who died protecting the child we brought into this world together, and I will make sure that Jack grows up knowing who his mother was and how she loved and protected him, and how much I loved her. If Haley were with us today, she would ask us not to mourn her death, but to celebrate her life. She would tell us…" His voice broke, but he started again. "She would tell us to love our families unconditionally and to hold them close because in the end they are all that matter. I met Haley at the tryouts of our high schools production of The Pirates of Penzance. I found our copy of the play and I was looking through it the other night and I came upon a passage that seemed appropriate for this moment.  
'Oh dry the glistening tear that dews that marshal cheek.  
Thy loving children here in them thy comfort seek.  
With sympathetic care, their arms around thee creep.  
For oh they cannot bear to see their father weep.'"

Emily heard Jack whimper and she looked down to see tears flowing down the young boy's cheek. She picked him up and smoothed away his tears. "Mommy's an angel in heaven, Jack. She will _never _stop loving you. But even if she's not here with us right now, she's always in here with you," she said quietly, taking his hand in hers and guiding it to his heart. He nodded and buried his face into Emily's neck. She sighed sadly as she felt his warm tears against her skin.

Hotch looked up to see his son in Emily's arms, crying. He frowned slightly and walked over to where they were standing. Emily's eyes met his as she handed Jack over to him, and in them he saw that Emily was trying her hardest to stay strong for him and Jack...but it was just too much. As the ceremony ended, everyone placed white roses on the marble grey casket. Hotch, Emily, and Jack were last, and around them people were leaving, giving the two Hotchners their condolences.

"Blow mommy a kiss," Hotch said quietly to his son, who obeyed and placed his rose on top of all the others.

Finally, there was no one left in the cemetery but the three of them. Wind whispered through the trees and it occurred to Hotch how ironically beautiful the day was. It was a cool November morning, and although rain had been lightly sprinkling, it had stopped and the sun was out, offering a tiny bit of warmth. It was…peaceful. Serene.

He sat on the bench facing Haley's grave, almost forgetting that Emily and Jack were there as well.

"Haley," he said quietly, "I'm so sorry…I wish that I could go back in time. I with that none of this had ever happened, but –" His voice cracked. Jack, once again standing by Emily, started crying, wrapping his arms around her waist. Emily couldn't take it anymore; she let the tears fall, running a hand through Jack's blonde hair that was so like his mother's, and held him close.

"I think daddy needs a hug," Emily managed to say. Jack ran over to his father and climbed onto his lap, hugging him and never wanting to let go. Emily watched, feeling more and more as if she was intruding on a family matter. She was just about to say goodbye when Hotch's voice stopped her.

"Emily. Come here," he said, turning to look at her, and patting the empty space on the bench beside him. She obliged and he took her hand in his. "Thank you. For…everything," he said sincerely.

"Don't mention it," she replied, looking him in the eye.

"Emily, I'm serious…"

"I know." She entwined their fingers. "It'll go away, after a while. The pain," she added at his look of confusion. "It will take some time, but…I want you to know that I –" Her voice broke. What could she say? That she loved him and would offer support to him and Jack for as long as they needed it? After all, it _was_ the truth. He nodded in understanding, as if he could read her mind. Emily started over. "When I was a child, I had a favorite saying that fits this situation. It's…kind of like a poem. A couplet."

"What is it?" Hotch asked, somewhat intrigued.

"'Whenever you are feeling blue, know that I'll be there for you.'" She smiled tentatively, looking down at their intertwined hands.

He smiled back. "Who said it?"

"My dad."

"Smart man."

Sighing softly, she said, "It's true, Aaron. As long as you need someone to lean on…I'm here." She looked up at him, gauging his reaction.

"I know, Em. And it means a lot." He glanced at jack, who had fallen asleep on his lap, protected by the strong arms of his father. He shook his head slowly and said, "I just might have to take you up on that offer."

"Hey, what are friends for?" she asked, offering him a small but reassuring smile.

He didn't answer, but wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close instead, pressing a kiss into her dark hair.

Because, although coping would be hard, he knew that with the love and support of a devoted friend like Emily, both he and Jack would be able to survive.


End file.
